The Cruel Tragedy of Chicken Jokes

How often have we heard it? People who would never stoop so low as to crack jokes about blondes, or lawyers, or Bill Gates scratching out vile and hateful verbiage about chickens for the sake of a few cheep laughs. Perhaps the very chickens who's unhatched chicklings stared sunnyside-up from their breakfast plates that very morning!

How many innocent, fluffy little hatchlings have scurried to their coops in tears because of someone's unthinking remark about their kind crossing a road.

The examples on this page may be hard to take, but they are provided to increase awareness of this cruel, insensitive practice.

These examples were gathered from all over the web. To see the shocking proliferation of this kind of smut on the Internet, you need only go to any search engine and enter the keywords "chicken joke".

The jokes have been categorized to illustrate how they have permeated seemingly innocent subjects. Click on the category below to go directly to those jokes.

  • Computers
  • Babylon 5
  • Star Trek
    And Yes, Even Classic Literature

  • Literary Chicken Jokes

    The Jane Austen chicken joke:
    Why did the chicken cross the road?
    Because it is a truth universally acknowledged that a single chicken, being possessed of a good fortune and presented with a good road, must be desirous of crossing.



    Babylon 5 Chicken Jokes

    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    Morden: It was what the chicken wanted.

    Kosh Naranek: *tweetle* *blatt* *flash* Understanding is a three-egged sword.

    John Sheridan: The last time a chicken crossed the road, I blew it straight to hell!

    Lou Welch: Hey, chief! There's some bozo here asking about something about a chicken and a road?

    Michael Garibaldi: The chicken in the middle of the road is looking for you.

    Talia Winters:

    Jeff Sinclair: Watch out for chickens... they cross the road when you're not looking at them.

    Catherine Sakai: Wow, Jeff... I thought you were into ducks!

    Londo Mollari: I feel like I'm being nibbled to death by chickens!

    Delenn: Valen asked the chicken, "Will you follow me into storm, into darkness, into fire, into death?" And the chicken said... "Yes."

    Zathras: If chicken cross road, chicken die. If chicken not cross road, chicken also die. Either way, is bad for chicken.

    Bester: (to the chicken) Why did you have to cross the road? We are your family. We raised you, clothed you. We are your father and mother. Don't force us to do this.... (the chicken squawks in mortal terror)

    Vir: "I warned the chicken not to cross the road."

    Carrion Eater: "That chicken killed in the middle of the road? Tastes just like Narn."

    Streibs: "We were about to dissect the chicken to discover the answer, but a giant rooster appeared out of nowhere and pecked our ship to pieces..."

    Capt. Jack Maynard: "It lost the lock-on signal from the curb."

    Ivanova: "...and if the chicken ever crosses the road again, Ivanova will personally rip its LUNGS out!"

    Knight Two: "Do you really expect us to believe it was to get to the other side? WHAT HAPPENED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD?"

    Jason Ironheart: "One chicken in a thousand is hatched near a road. One in every ten thousand of those ever tries to cross it. Half of them are run over by cars."

    G'Kar: "Weep for the chicken, Na'Toth. Weep for us all."


    Star Trek Chicken Jokes

    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    Chakotay: Whatever its reason, whatever its goals, we should respect its right to cross the road and seek its own spiritual awareness.

    Neelix: Actually, Captain, I'm not really familiar with the chickens in this system. But, if you can catch it, I can cook it.

    Riker: I don't know why, but I know how: with pleasure, sir.

    Worf: I don't know. KLINGON chickens do NOT cross roads.

    HoloDoc: How should I know? No one tells me anything around here. I didn't even know we added chickens to the crew. All I know is that it would have been nice, BEFORE the chicken went off to the cross the road, if it had remembered to turn me off!

    Dr. Crusher: If there's nothing wrong with the chicken, there must be something wrong with the universe.

    Dr. Soran: His heart just wasn't in it. [Scenes of chicken torture with nanoprobes have been edited out.]

    Scotty: Because she couldna take much morrrrrre.

    Odo: I don't know, but I'm sure it must be Quark's fault.

    Quark: Who, me?

    Charlie X: Because it didn't want to STAY...STAY...STAY...

    Kirk: You chicken bastard, you killed my son...YOU chicken BASTARD, you killed...my SON...you CHICKEN bastard....youkilledmy...son!

    Troi: I feel the chicken's pain!

    Kira: It was probably being chased by those cursed Cardassians.

    Bones: Dammit, I'm a doctor, not an ornithologist!

    Data: The chicken, in observing that it was on the opposite side of the 20th century Terran paved roadway, was aware that its immediate goal should have been to traverse the distance without interception by an kind of combustion-propelled personal transport vehicle, but I am unclear as to why any kind of domesticated fowl should desire to perambulate upon a conveyance normally reserved for the usage of...yes, sir.

    Dr. Bashir: It probably heard about my amazing medical skills not to mention my sexual prowess and came to get some pointers.

    The Borg: Crossing the road is irrelevant. The chicken will be assimilated.

    Hugh the Borg: Maybe it just needed a big hug!

    B'Elanna: I'm sure it felt suffocated by all the bleeping regulations of bleeping Starfleet and just couldn't stand it any longer!

    Picard: There are four lights!

    Q: Wouldn't you like to know? Too bad your puny human brain wouldn't be able to comprehend the answer.

    Uhura: Shall I open hailing frequencies so you can ask it, sir?

    Tasha: That depends...was it fully functional?

    Chekov: It must have been on its way to assist in saving my life for the billionth time... did I scream this time?

    Khan: With my last breath I spit at the chicken...

    Harry: I don't know, it's my first mission.

    Paris: Well, I think that...say, that's a lovely shirt you're wearing.

    Harvey Mudd: Chicken? I don't remember any chicken. No no no, there's been a terrible misunderstanding.

    Janeway: Its primary goal was no doubt to get back to the Alpha Quadrant...and it probably misses its dog.

    Nurse Chapel: Oh, Spock!

    Lwaxana: Oh, Jean-Luc!

    Spock: Fascinating, Captain.

    V'Ger: To join with the Creator.

    The Grand Nagus: Stupid chicken! You don't cross the road all at once! You sneak across it quietly, without anyone noticing!

    Gul Dukat: Well, that's a very interesting question...I'm sure we can work out some kind of arrangement to obtain that information that will be to everyone's satisfaction.

    Kes: It was remembering back to the times when its ancestors crossed roads all the time! They lost those abilities because they stopped using them!

    O'Brien: No problem, Commander, I'll get right on it.

    Wesley: I'm not sure, but I can figure it out if I reroute these systems and reconfigure the warp field and run a complete internal whootchacallit on the computers and...

    Sisko: It was seeking deeper meaning. Jake, do you see what we've learned from all this?

    Jake: Check out the babe that just came off that transport!

    Geordi: Well, wherever it's going, I'm sure it'll have more luck with women than I do.

    Sulu: Don't call me Tiny!

    Sarek: Sometimes logic fails me where chickens are concerned.

    Mr Homm: {silence}

    Dax: To get to the other side. Kurzon might have disagreed with me, Tobin I'm sure wouldn't have had a clue, and then there's...

    Tuvok: That's not a question we'd prefer to hear from a senior officer. It makes the junior officers nervous.

    Gene Roddenberry: To boldly go where no one had gone before.


    Computer Chicken Jokes (Chicken Nerds)

    How does the chicken cross the road?

    NT Chicken Will cross the road in June. No, August. Well, maybe in November.

    OS/2 Chicken Crossed the road in style years ago, but so quietly that almost nobody noticed.

    Win95 Chicken You see lots of different colored feathers while it's crossing the road, but cook it and it's still just chicken.

    DOS Chicken Too busy carrying the entire weight of the Win95 chicken on its back to cross the road. And even if it did, no one would admit it was there.

    Microsoft Chicken (TM) It's already on both sides of the road. And it just bought the road.

    OOP Chicken It doesn't need to cross the road, it sends messages.

    Assembler Chicken First, it builds the road...

    C Chicken It crosses the road without looking both ways.

    C++ Chicken Doesn't have to cross the road, it's simply referred to the other side.

    VB Chicken USHighways!TheRoad.cross (aChicken)

    Delphi Chicken This chicken will drag you across the road and dump you on the other side.

    Java Chicken If your road needs crossing by a chicken, the server downloads one to the other side. (Of course, what you have then is chicklets across the road with limited anti-viral protection)

    Web Chicken Jumps out onto the road, turns right, and just keeps on going.

    Bandwidth Chicken Its full up to here with forms, choking on GIFs and virtual 3D, and is almost ready for the coop-de-gasp. It hasn't gotten up to full speed on the road but ... < fade to black... Finit >

    ISDN Chicken The Bandwidth Chicken refused to go out alone and took the ISDN Chicken with it. Neither one of them ever crossed the road.

    Netscape Chicken All of its cookies and all of its helper apps couldn't protect it from the Microsoft Chicken, or put it back together after it was buried under the road.

    Internet Explorer Chicken It buried the Netscape Chicken, but never really learned to surf.

    WordPerfect Chicken With all its slip-stream bug fixes, changing chicken owners, and only a modest ability to do Windows, why did it never learn to use the F1 key when asking for Help?

    Gopher Chicken It tried to keep up with the Web Chicken, but was run over and eliminated before the race got started.

    Newton Chicken Can't cluck, can't fly, and can't lay eggs, but you can carry it across the road in your pocket.

    Cray Chicken Crosses the road faster than any other chicken, but you have to dip it in liquid nitrogen or it gets fried in the process.

    Lotus Chicken Always crosses the road with its own distinctive style and a remarkable sense of grace.

    Mac Chicken No reasonable chicken owner would ever want his chicken to cross the road so there is no way to get one across. And there never will be. So there!

    MultiMedia Chicken It can't decide which side of the road it's on, much less which driver to use while crossing it.

    COBOL Chicken 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING
        IF NO VEHICLES THEN
           PERFORM 0010-CROSS-THE-ROAD
               VARYING STEPS FROM 1 BY 1 UNTIL
           ON-THE-OTHER-SIDE
       ELSE
           GO TO 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING


    UNIX Chicken All it knows is that it is in charge of the road and happily handles it all remotely from a Windows-less room in an anonymous basement. It has no idea where the road is or where it is going and it could care less.

    Quantum Logic Chicken If you must know, this chicken exists in a superposition of quantum states that includes both sides of the road until its wave function collapses in an apoplectic fit over hearing, yet again, this stupid question. This chicken crosses the road, on average, half the time and its speed is even less certain once you think you've located it than it was before you asked your snoopy, prying, personal little question!

    Texas Chicken Crossed the road just to prove to the armadillo that it could be done.

    Al Gore Chicken Still waiting for completion of the NCI (National Chicken-crossing Infrastructure) and will cross as soon as it is finished, assuming he is re-elected, his V-chip is installed, and the Republicans haven't cut off the electricity to the White Coop.